Hi guys, I have not posted in a while and i think this is my week to post something, and i will post something actually substantial a little later after i finish my paper :P

But i just wanted to let you guys know that I got that photo internship we prayed for a couple weeks ago. PRAISE GOD!! Definitely all His grace through all my fail. :P
I’m so excited!!

I am interning for: http://www.baumanphotographersblog.com/ if you guys want to check them out. :) Pretty awesome stuffs they have.

YAY.

- Joline

And here is the 1 month behind post >.< apologies.

Scripture: Psalm 73:25-26

25  Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26  My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

All of Psalm 73 is good, but I’ll focus on these two verses. For the past month or so it has definitely been a struggle for me both emotionally, spiritually, and physically. However I think the greatest struggle came from my physical struggle this time around which in turn affected the other areas of my life. Work had kicked into high gear and since being sick took me out for the first week and a half of school, I had many hours of staining and microscopy (chemically tagging cells so you can see them with a fluorescent microscope  + taking pictures of it) as well as data processing that accumulated in a presentation (last Wednesday) and continuation of the research. It meant sitting for hours on end crouched over a microscope or computer, both taxing my back, wrists, and knees. By God’s grace, He had given me many weeks free of discomfort as great as I have experienced in the last 2 weeks. I had forgotten how exhausting being in constant great pain can be. In addition, recently ministry demands have increased due to certain circumstances.  However the biggest struggle was the presentation I was to give during our weekly lab meetings (in which I present in front of my entire lab and boss).

I felt insufficient, insignificant, and a failure in some ways as I worked on the project and worried about finishing it well as well as presenting it well. My heart was focused not upon how to glorify God in my work, but I realized it was to glorify  myself before others. It was to gain approval from my coworkers and my boss. It was a reaction to an intense fear of man of being the youngest, most inexperienced presenter in the room. However God challenged me with Psalm 73 and through the pain and anxieties He challenged me to examine my heart. I was definitely being a Sarah in the sense of trying to take things into my own hands instead of allowing God to fulfill His promises to be the strength of my heart and portion. I was drawing my strength and my portion, my worth in the things I was doing and the people around me.

Thinking back, I realized that in crying out for His strength and for His comfort in every hour of every day was His way to remind me of how much I need Him. His way to remind me that my flesh and my heart will fail time and time again. That there should be nothing on earth I desire, but Him. For He is good. He the perfector of our faith, the patience minister to our souls is truly the strength of our hearts forever.

Praise be to the Lord our God! :D

This is sooo past its due date, so instead of posting a devotional. I want to share about how God used Pastor Nick’s sermon to speak to me. :)

He talked from Genesis 11:27 to Genesis 12:9. And titled “God’s Grace in the Call”

Here are some things that he said that really stuck out to me:

- People don’t need self-esteem, they need to know God’s esteem. (whoaaaa - so crazy, but so true and good)

- We are not worth His calling, and it is entirely from His sovereign grace. :) (I never thought of it this way, that we weren’t worth to have a calling. I always assumed that it came with our salvation, which we don’t deserve either, but I never really thought of considering a calling from God to be something that wasn’t ours - but entirely because of His grace - makes it so much more worth it.)

- Jesus says for us to forsake all for His sake. (so much easier said than done, and I think this was so applicable to EVERYTHING. in terms of school, family, changing people, asking for forgiveness, etc. We need to let go of all control so that God can come and do His work.)

- God chose Abram, not because of his merit, but because it was God’s will and plan to choose him. (I think this was so humbling. God’s calling has nothing to do with our merit. It has nothing to do with how good we are at doing something - it is entirely based off of God’s plan and who He wants to use but we have nothing to do with how He decides. wahh, so humbling)

- Believe that the calling He has given us is perfect and the best for us, and that we have not missed out. (i think this is really hard for me to believe and when Pastor Nick said this today, I was really convicted. I think oftentimes, I “know” what God has given me is the best for me, but I’m always sad over the things I didn’t get a chance to experience. For example, my dream school has always been UCLA and when I found out I got rejected, it was really hard to take. Even now, I’m still trying to grasp the idea that UCSD is where God wants me and it’s the best for me. My pride, URGH. But hearing this today, gives me a lot of peace and humbles me in knowing that I’m not missing out when I go through with God’s calling and that I am experiencing the BEST God has to offer - I should be so content and blessed!)

See you all tomorrow! :) Love youuuu guys!

Helloooooo :) 

Wahh, Going through spring break and not seeing you all for one whole week - I really missed you guys. Oh! But I DID get to see Annie in Thousand Oaks when I was staying with Jane! That was fun :)

But anyways, So happy we get to meet up tomorrow :) 

I think this spring break was in many ways different than last spring break. For one, last year, we went to SF to stay with one of my suitemates. And while that was amazing, a lot of fun touring. She was also a non-believer. But this year, staying with Jane and maybe there weren’t as many places to tour or things to see, I felt that God used the time to really show me areas in my character and personality that I really needed to change, which was really eye-opening and really humbled me, which was what I wanted for a really long time.

Staying with Jane and interacting with her family really broke my heart for how I have mistreated my own family. Although her parents are non-believers, her younger sister is and in the past, I witnessed how they got into arguments, but also how they got out of it and solved their issues. How they dealt with an argument was such a testimony to their faith and I was so taken aback by how mature they both were. They would fight, but they always kept their cool and tried to explain to each other why they were upset and they always ended with a prayer. And I felt that God was showing me how to deal with future arguments with Gloria. 

Also, because it was us girls (me, Gloria, Jane) all staying together, we had a lot of time to talk and to bond, and sometimes we had the urge or tendency to gossip, but the Holy Spirit always convicted us and really showed us what we were doing was wrong and in the end, instead of talking about who was dating who, we shifted our conversations to prayer requests for Spring Quarter and how to love God more. Gloria and I struggled with this more and Jane often rebuked us for talking about things that weren’t ours to discuss. So, through this, I was extremely humbled but it was God’s answer to my prayers in breaking me and showing me how to change. 

There is much more to share (like our experience going to a homeless rescue shelter with Jane’s old church) but I want to share in person :) All in all, like I said before, this spring break was definitely a huge change from last year’s spring break, but God was so much more present in this one and I am hugely grateful for His answered prayers. 

I hope you all had wonderful, restful spring breaks and so excited to see you all tomorrow :) 

<3 Grace

*sorry these are scattered thoughts as I’m waiting for dough to rise :P

I must confess that I have been struggling a lot this past winter quarter.

With what you might ask? With missing my parents.

It’s really difficult for me to share about it just because it feels like it takes so much effort to explain what I’m going through and at the same time it’s just awkward and uncomfortable both ways. I know what it’s like both to be on the listening end and on the talking end. There just aren’t words that can compare to the loss. And to be honest, in my lowest points I just don’t want to have bible verses thrown at me (not that they should not be used to encourage). It’s just that for those of us who mourn, during that time that’s just what we need to do: to mourn. Part of my difficulty is not allowing myself to either.

This past quarter has been the hardest quarter for me. The end of tenth week and into finals week I began sinking into a depression that I knew all to well from past experiences. I felt like crying all the time, was drowsy and lethargic, and wanted to avoid all human contact (I even considered cancelling on the sr trip). Since I had become so accustomed to not missing my parents, to not feeling depressed, to just addressing one emergency in my family to the next, I was not ready for the humbling experience God had put before me. In reflection I realized that for so long I had not afforded myself the luxury of addressing my own emotional needs. The past 13 years of my life had exhausted my emotional state from taking care of one person after the other. Finally for the first time, I had been turning my attention to myself and realized that I was not done grieving: I don’t know that I ever will.

Yet, God is faithful. I definitely had a crazy finals week in terms of work, school, family, myself, and other things (you can ask me about it if you want)-> but here I am, still thriving as a testimony of God’s faithfulness and grace in my life. I definitely learned to rely more on Him than anything in the deepest of my depression. Matthew 5:4 says blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. How will they be comforted? By the Gospel. For me, the only light I could see in my day was knowing that because of His Son, I was God’s child, that He was Sovereign, and that even this was a part of His sovereign plan to sanctify me. At times my rational mind shunned the idea of a sovereign loving God and held His promises in disbelief, but my heart knew what truth was and clung to it.

It feels like you are in a dark tunnel. The speck of light at the end, the Gospel. Sometimes as I’m walking, I may lose sight of that little light, but as I persevere, as I continue to believe in the promises that lie ahead, the light grows and grows. My steps lighten as allow Christ to carry my burdens. And by His grace again I am rejoicing as a child of light.

So some practical nuggets I’d like to share are:

Romans 12:15 says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Indeed if someone is struggling, though sometimes reminder’s of God’s promises are needed and encouragements with reassuring biblical references may be merited, sometimes it’s just better to listen and

Jeremiah 29:11-13

God has a perfect and sovereign plan for good and not for evil. God, in His infinite knowledge and wisdom, will work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). He uses the most unlikely (to us) situations to bring us to the light, to remind us of who we are meant to be in Him. 

So I was driving home from work on Friday, and the radio started to play “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns. And all of sudden, out of no where, tears started to stream down my face. I don’t think I was particularly emotional that day and I wasn’t going through bad times when I’m feeling “this is just what I needed to hear”.  I’ve heard this song more times than I can count on the radio, but God chose to to touch me through that song yesterday. Through the lyrics, He reminded me just how much He loved me and it’s never been about who we are, but who He is, and what He’s done for us to redeem us. <3 Sometimes, I feel like I don’t keep that in mind when I’m living each day. Praise God for reminding us through the little things in life~

Here’s the lyrics that really spoke to me:

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,
And you’ve told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

I can’t believe how fast this quarter flew by! Then it dawned on me…that I haven’t really treasured the time God has given me. Especially during disasters, we see how precious time is, and in a flash it could be gone. Today, I was reading this devo and it was titled “Natural Disaster?” It really convicted me (especially last paragraph), so I want to share it with everyone~ Here it is:

Why does God allow natural disasters? Tragedies such as the 2011 earthquake/tsunami near Japan cause many people to question God’s goodness. It is distressing that natural disasters are often termed “acts of God” while no “credit” is given to God for years, decades, or even centuries of peaceful weather.

The Bible proclaims that Jesus Christ holds all of nature together (Colossians 1:16-17). Could God prevent natural disasters? Absolutely! Does God sometimes influence the weather? Yes, as we see in Deuteronomy 11:17 and James 5:17. Numbers 16:30-34 shows us that God sometimes causes natural disasters as a judgment against sin. The book of Revelation describes many events which could definitely be described as natural disasters (Revelation chapters 6, 8, and 16). Is every natural disaster a punishment from God? Absolutely not.

In much the same way that God allows evil people to commit evil acts, God allows the earth to reflect the consequences sin has had on creation. Romans 8:19-21 tells us, “The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.” The fall of humanity into sin had effects on everything, including the world we inhabit. Everything in creation is subject to “frustration” and “decay.” Sin is the ultimate cause of natural disasters just as it is the cause of death, disease, and suffering.

We can understand why natural disasters occur. What we do not understand is why God allows them to occur. Why did God allow the tsunami to kill over 225,000 people in Asia? For one thing, such events shake our confidence in this life and force us to think about eternity. Churches are usually filled after disasters as people realize how tenuous their lives really are and how life can be taken away in an instant. What we do know is this: God is good! Many amazing miracles occurred during the course of natural disasters that prevented even greater loss of life. Natural disasters cause millions of people to reevaluate their priorities in life. Hundreds of millions of dollars in aid is sent to help the people who are suffering. Christian ministries have the opportunity to help, minister, counsel, pray, and lead people to saving faith in Christ! God can, and does, bring great good out of terrible tragedies (Romans 8:28)

*** challenged me in terms of thinking about how my submission to God plays out in my life. Does my submission reflect in how I serve Him and serve others? Or do I do my own things first, go my own way before I submit to His will, and submit reluctantly instead of with that voluntary submission.

Christian surfer devo ->2.28.2011

LEFTOVERS

As a surfer, I’ve never been all that concerned with what people think. I’ve walked into conferences with wet hair and sandy feet. I’ve even gone to church barefoot, but Ican’t  imagine inviting special friends over for dinner and then throwing a few leftovers into the microwave to serve up to them. If I were to do that, it would speak volumes about how I really feel about them.

Giving God the leftovers of our lives speaks volumes about His true worth to us. When God asked Abraham to give Isaac back to Him as an act of worship, Genesis 22:1 calls it a test. A test to see if there was anything in his life that he treasured more than God.

It’s no different for us. There are times when God requires something really important to get His work done. He’ll ask us to give up our natural instincts of seeking revenge so that we can communicate His forgiving love by forgiving our enemies. He may call us to sacrifice portions of our time or money or comforts to advance His cause. The way we respond to what He requires says volumes about how we really feel about Him.

What will you serve up this month? This week? Today? Right now? Anyone can offer the leftovers. Only those who love God more than anything else will serve up the very best for Him.

not incredibly much has happened since I’ve seen you lovely sisters…but I did learn that I’m still trying to quit my procrastination addiction….sigh. That’s definitely a big PR for me, so a BIG thank you in advance for keeping me in prayer :)

Last week while listening to K-love (Christian radio) driving home, something the host said really hit home for me. He said something along the lines of…We are in a relationship with our LORD, and as such, our actions should reflect that of one in a relationship, and not pretending to be in one. So many times, I feel like we’re just going through the motions, with no emotions or genuine feeling attached to our actions.

Today at work, one of my coworkers challenged me in my faith, and at times like this, I realize how much I’ve ignored my end of the relationship with the LORD recently. Her argumentative questions were like rocks to my glass house. Although I felt not so great afterward, God used the situation for good. After our “discussion”, she did have a slightly different perspective on Christianity, as she said that she never saw it as a relationship before but as another religion. So even though my relationship with God could use ALOT more work, sharing what I have with her, made her realize that we can pursue a relationship with God and not just look to Him as a emotional crutch. Praise the LORD for this opportunity for me to share and for her to listen, as well as reminding me to examine my relationship with Him :) How wonderful are His works through our mistakes, turning them into something wonderful <3

My bad. I haven’t posted in my time slot! :(

So i shall post now.

All has been well. But something that has really been encouraging lately was that I got an interview for today :) It’s with Scripps for the Chemical Physiology department. I think it’s just very encouraging because i’ve been worried about what i should do concerning internships, and how i need more experience in lab work. and now i realize that God provided a way for me! He truly looks out for each and every one of us and that prayer works wonders.

I just had my interview today at 10:30, and I’d have to say it went decently and smoothly, with no problems at all :) So I hope if it’s in God’s plan for me, then all goes accordingly!

the end.